Introduction letter
Greetings Prof Brad
I am Daniiel and I am writing this letter in hope of allowing you to get to know me better. After completing my studies at Ngee Ann Polytechnic in the electronic and computer engineering course and having completed an internship at TUV SUD PSB Singapore, I have come to have a clearer understanding of what I would like to spend the large majority of my life doing.
While I may not have a specific goal or path that I want to walk down planned out yet, what I do know is that I would rather not have to be spending most of my time after work on trouble shooting programs and bug fixing. Having already experienced how deep that rabbit hole goes, I have instead chosen to pursue what the future holds for me after graduating from SIT. As I much prefer seeing myself as a building consultant in the future rather than troubleshooting bugs in a program.
Conversing with new people is one of my strength. Back when I was doing my internship, I had managed to get along well with my seniors and superiors without much difficulties. But being a man of many words and strong opinions also means that going overboard with most conversations was one of my greatest weaknesses.
Thus, it dawn on me in recent years that I have to put a lot more consideration into what I say or I'll end up with more enemies than friends. I also hope that I'll be able to make my words more concise as often time I find my words to be rather lengthy.
Hoping to improve and expand my current skillset in this module, I look forward to our time together in the weeks to come.
Best regards
Daniiel Kumar Ooi.
Edited on 11 October 2021
Letters commented on:
1. Coco
https://cocojy.blogspot.com/2021/09/self-introduction-letter.html#comments
2. Tine
https://nyiyaza.wordpress.com/2021/09/18/formal-letter-to-professor-brad/#comments
3. Houston
https://houstonnotfromtexas.blogspot.com/2021/09/personal-introduction-letter.html#comments
This looks interesting, Daniiel. I'll give more comments once your blogging buddies have done so.
ReplyDeleteWow Daniiel, interesting diploma background! However, may I suggest that you let your readers know the full name of your internship company as most of us may not share the same educational background as you. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment Hong Qian. To clarify the name of my internship company was not abbreviated.
DeleteHi Daniiel, I thought your letter was really well written especially with the way you connect your sentences! Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHi Daniiel
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your letter. However, I found that there could be some improvement in your letter. Additionally, do correct me as well, and we can learn from our errors.
1. The name of your school; "Ngee Ann polytechnic" > Ngee Ann Polytechnic
2. I found that your sentence structure tends to be lengthy.
"I have come to have a clearer understanding of what I would like to spend the large majority of my life doing." > I came to have a clear understanding of what I would like to spend in my life.
Overall, your letter is detailed. However, it took me some time to understand. For example, I almost miss your strength and weakness which is at the second and third paragraph. I hope you can improve your sentence structure in this module. I will see you in the next class.
Regards
Syahirah
Dear Daniiel,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the informative letter. We learn quite a bit about you in this post. I appreciate your sharing in an open, honest manner. What I'd like to know more about is how your internship might have helped you refine your career choice as well as what your interpersonal experiences were like during that work stint.
In terms of language issues, there is quite a bit here to unpack:
1. punctuation
-- having completed an internship at TUV SUD PSB Singapore. I have come > (problematic full stop)
-- While I may not have a specific goal or path, I want to walk down planned out yet, > (misplaced comma)
2. lack of clarity
-- You never directly reference your weakness or strength in comm skills, which I agree may not be needed, but which could point the uninformed reader in the direction of the assignment scope.
-- Having already experienced how deep that rabbit hole goes, I have instead chosen to pursue what the future holds for me after graduating from SIT. > (To pursue 'what the future holds' seems quite vague. The 'rabbit hole' metaphor is as well, but I like the ring of it. You just need another sentence of explanation.)
-- I also have a lot of opportunities to go overboard with most conversations. > (You need to take care not to overuse the idiomatic expressions.)
-- I'll be able to make my words more concise as more often than not I do find it to be rather lengthy. > (misuse of pronoun 'it')
-- It is with high hopes of improving both my speaking habit as well as my writing techniques that makes me look forward to our time together in the upcoming weeks. > (This sentence can be made clearer and more concise.)
3. lack of conciseness
-- I have never found myself having trouble with conversing with new people that comes into my life nor was having conversations with new people a huge difficulty for me. > ?
4. verb issues
-- with new people that comes > (subject verb disagreement) ?
-- it has dawn on me in > (verb form) ?
5. inconsistent use of caps
-- Ngee Ann polytechnic in the Electronic and Computer Engineering >
Ngee Ann Polytechnic in the electronic and computer engineering
Let's work on this.
I look forward to seeing your development over the coming weeks.
Cheers,
Brad
Prof Bard, I have finish editing my introduction letter and have corrected the errors you and my fellow classmate had pointed out. Feel free to evaluate it and any additional feedback would be most welcomed.
DeleteThank you for all the advices you have given me, I will be looking forward to any further feedback you may have.